I can't tell you how many times a week, I hear someone tell me that. They'll smile and ask "How old are your children?" Then nostalgically say something like, "Oh, enjoy it, those years go bye too fast," or "they grow up too quickly" or "I remember those great years." I just want to scream "I get it!! I know!!" I'm trying to savor it all. Every moment. I really am. I'm trying to capture every memory in photographs, on paper, and most importantly in my heart. A friend and I said the other day how we both sometimes feel "stressed" about enjoying this time:) I just look at Kinsey (2 yrs) and Colin (3 months), and I truly want them to stay this age forever! It's so much work, there are many frustrating moments, many discouraging and tired days, but I truly love being a Mommy to these two babies. I get asked all the time if I'm planning on sending Kinsey to nursery school soon. I try not to look too shocked, but she's only 2!! I'm holding onto her as long as I can. Maybe I won't be saying that in a few years, but that's how I feel now.
God has given me the greatest blessing I could ever ask for: being able to stay home with my kids. I want to clarify that I don't think "it's the best thing for every family!" Trust me, I really, really want to reiterate that. Kids everywhere are thriving with working parents. I look at my three nephews who have two hardworking parents and they are all three incredibly kind, hardworking, and balanced. There are many, many things we won't be able to give our children; there are many things we'll do without. My kids will probably miss out on some opportunities that they might have otherwise have. BUT, God is good, and for our family, this is what we wanted and we're making it work. It's just really neat to see how God has provided for us. From babysitting, tutoring, Mitch painting, summer school, paying off school loans, and cutting back on non-essentials, gives us all we need to live within our means and comfortably:) I do wish we didn't like to eat out so much--definitely, our weekend enjoyment.
Sometimes before I go to bed, I look over at Mitch, and say, "thank you for letting me stay home with our kids. Thank you for letting me have my dream job, and the best job in the world." After being away from Kinsey that first year and knowing what leaving her was like (just ask Grandma's and 'Momma Nolt'), I can now be so thankful for what I have. Just this morning, after 8:30, I walked into Kinsey's room. She was awake, sitting in nothing but a diaper (at least she kept that on for once), quietly reading (she does this a couple of times a week). I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "Reading my bible, Mommy. Look. See Noah?" My heart melted:) Then she'll ask, "Where Daddy are?" When I tell her he's working, she says, "Oh, Daddy teacher. Be home later." Then she runs over to her dresser for her favorite part of the day--picking out her clothes! Who's kid is this? Her Momma is not a fashionista... After a big bowl of oatmeal with raisins (my clone), it's off to play or off to a playdate. It's just, as one of her favorite books says, "Fun all day!"
As for Colin, my favorite part of my day with him is morning. After his belly is full (and yes, it takes a long time fill that tank!), I prop him up and he smiles and coos and just stares at me. And I star back. No big sister in his face, no distractions. Just me and him. We'll do this for the longest time, and I cherish it. He's such a good baby. Falls asleep on his own, loves his nuk, smiles as McKinsey (most of the time), and takes "big comments" from strangers like a champ. "How old is your baby?" "Three months." "Wow, he's huge." "Yes, he's healthy. Thanks for noticing:)" His pediatrician called him the Michelin baby--I just call him my chunker:)
Wow--life with two kids. Lots of fun. Life with a devoted, loving husband and father, more fun.
In a couple of days, Mitch and I will celebrate our four years of marriage:) I just love him even more than on our wedding day. Marriage takes work, communication, forgiveness, laughter, and love, but when you've found the right person--totally worth it:) God has blessed us much.
James 1:12
Blessed is a man who perseveres under
trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life,
which the Lord has promised to those who love Him
Our Foursome
Bethany Beach, DE
Friday, July 27, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Our Family Has Grown! Colin's Birth Story
I am excited to announce the birth of our son, Colin Mitchell Swords, born April 30th. He was a BIG BOY. Almost two weeks late, he measured in at 9 pounds 5 ounces and 20.5 inches long. Here is his birth story...
I felt very strongly that I wanted to try for a VBAC (Vaginal delivery after C-Section). Looking back on the events of my labor with McKinsey there were many things I would have done differently if I had been more informed and I didn't want to have any regrets this time around. I equipped myself for success. I bought and borrowed every book I could get my hands on about VBACs and labor in general. I learned a lot, more than I ever did during my first pregnancy, and loved soaking in all the knowledge and material. I changed hospitals and providers at 32 weeks. I wanted this more than anything and I wanted to have every possible advantage I could. The main reason I switched doctors was because my current OB was not supportive of a vbac. She said she would let me "try" but that I couldn't go late. If I went past my due date, I would have to have a C-Section. Also, Women and Babies, where I'd deliver if very drug happy and I wanted to avoid drugs if I could. Finally, the practice was so large that I would never know who would be on duty and how supportive they would be of my desire to VBAC. After much prayer and deliberation, Mitch and I decided to switch to Birth Care, a midwifery center in southern PA. They work with a lot of people in the Amish/Mennonite community and attend a lot of home births. They were very supportive of me, my case, and wanted to help me try to have a VBAC. They, of course, couldn't promise anything, but they wanted to help me try. I would deliver at Ephrata Hospital and I would have the doctors at Ephrata OBGYN oversee my delivery in case I needed a C-Section. I was happy. Mitch was happy. We prayed and hoped for the best.
Then my due date rolled around. And then a week after my due date pasted. Then eleven days after my due date came and went. I was told that I would be allowed to wait until 42 weeks, and then they would have to perform the C-Section. I was devastated. I knew that every day this little guy was late, he was getting bigger. At 35 weeks, my ultrasound showed a small baby for his age, and I was so encouraged. But I knew that with each day, my chances of having a VBAC were narrowing. I was feeling extra sorry for myself and each night before going to bed, I would be so sad, knowing that another day without meeting my bundle.
However, God is GOOD! In this wait, I learned many things about myself and about patience. About a week past my due date, I talked with a neighbor across the street. One of the most humbling experiences of my life. She asked me how I was feeling and I smiled and said, "hanging in there." She, without any bitterness or sadness in her voice, told me that her son's doctor's just confirmed what they already knew, her son would be a Little Person in life. He would have to wear braces on his legs for quite some time, and won't walk for a long time after that. What makes the story even sadder is that this couple had been trying to conceive for several years. Finally, after at least one miscarriage, they found out they were pregnant. Now this... I went inside after talking to her and just sobbed. How impatient, how selfish I had been. I had a seemingly healthy boy in my belly and all I can think about is how big, hot, and pregnant I was. God reminded me that waiting isn't so bad.
I also realized that I had been approaching Colin's birth with pridefulness in my heart. I wanted a VBAC, I wanted a labor without drugs, I wanted everything to go perfectly, just like in the books I read. Me, me, me! We prayed about this decision, but I know unconscienscly I prayed a bit too much for the desires of my heart and not enough for the trust of God's will and HIS plan for this baby. It wasn't until after Colin's birth that I realized the fullness of these feelings and my actions.
So...the outcome? I finally went into labor 12 days past my due date, on a Sunday afternoon. We took Kinsey to the park, had an awful meal at Freeze and Frizz, and started timing contractions around 7:30 that evening. They were fast and coming, but not very painful. They didn't get too painful until around 10pm, at which point, I headed to the shower for some relief. After about 30 minutes, my water broke! I had just been saying to Mitch that I didn't want to get to the hospital too early, and that I wanted to hold on as long as possible. Well, after my water broke, my contractions became so incredibly painful. I never experienced pain like that with McKinsey!!! I then preceded to tell Mitch (or yell) that we had "waited too long!" My Mom was called over and we left for Ephrata. I think we made it in about 15 minutes---yikes!
When we got there, I was only about 6cm, to my dismay. I thought surely I'd be at 10 with this pain:) I labored for a couple more hours before requesting an epidural. I felt this urge to push, and wasn't ready too, therefore, my cervix started swelling, which wasn't good. To my surprise, my midwife even agreed with my decision. We got some sleep, and with much encouragement, around 6am the next morning, I was at 10!!!!! I was beyond excited! However, my excitement started to fade, when my contractions started coming back (my epidural had worn off), and I was having intense back pain. I managed to push for 2.5 hours, but the back labor was getting unbearable. The little guy, who had been in position all along, had turned over, posterier, which makes fitting much more difficult. The doctors were called in and a C-Section was recommended. I remember looking over at Mitch, my eyes filling with tears, as I nodded. I knew I had done my best, but he just wasn't going to fit. It still hit me like a ton of bricks, but I knew I was going to soon meet my little miracle.
There was one more needle in the haystack. I had developed a fever during labor. From the epidural? An infection? Who knows... However, because of this, they told me that Colin would have to be in the NICU for 48 hours after birth for observation. This was more of a blow than the c-section. I almost remembering thinking that that couldn't be possible...I was dreaming. I would not be separated from my baby. No way. However, that is exactly what happened. I barely got to hold him after surgery, and he was whisked away almost immediately. I demanded nursing him two hours after surgery and they basically told me I was nuts. They also encouraged me to give him formula that night, so I could "rest." I made them wheel me into the NICU every 3 hours to feed him, all night long, until I could walk. They seemed so surprised, but I was a Mommy on a mission!!
Long story short, he was just fine. He nursed like a champ right from the beginning, and came back with me 48 hours later. Longest 48 hours of my life! But he was healthy, and happy and that's all that mattered! My little boy had finally arrived...
I felt very strongly that I wanted to try for a VBAC (Vaginal delivery after C-Section). Looking back on the events of my labor with McKinsey there were many things I would have done differently if I had been more informed and I didn't want to have any regrets this time around. I equipped myself for success. I bought and borrowed every book I could get my hands on about VBACs and labor in general. I learned a lot, more than I ever did during my first pregnancy, and loved soaking in all the knowledge and material. I changed hospitals and providers at 32 weeks. I wanted this more than anything and I wanted to have every possible advantage I could. The main reason I switched doctors was because my current OB was not supportive of a vbac. She said she would let me "try" but that I couldn't go late. If I went past my due date, I would have to have a C-Section. Also, Women and Babies, where I'd deliver if very drug happy and I wanted to avoid drugs if I could. Finally, the practice was so large that I would never know who would be on duty and how supportive they would be of my desire to VBAC. After much prayer and deliberation, Mitch and I decided to switch to Birth Care, a midwifery center in southern PA. They work with a lot of people in the Amish/Mennonite community and attend a lot of home births. They were very supportive of me, my case, and wanted to help me try to have a VBAC. They, of course, couldn't promise anything, but they wanted to help me try. I would deliver at Ephrata Hospital and I would have the doctors at Ephrata OBGYN oversee my delivery in case I needed a C-Section. I was happy. Mitch was happy. We prayed and hoped for the best.
Then my due date rolled around. And then a week after my due date pasted. Then eleven days after my due date came and went. I was told that I would be allowed to wait until 42 weeks, and then they would have to perform the C-Section. I was devastated. I knew that every day this little guy was late, he was getting bigger. At 35 weeks, my ultrasound showed a small baby for his age, and I was so encouraged. But I knew that with each day, my chances of having a VBAC were narrowing. I was feeling extra sorry for myself and each night before going to bed, I would be so sad, knowing that another day without meeting my bundle.
However, God is GOOD! In this wait, I learned many things about myself and about patience. About a week past my due date, I talked with a neighbor across the street. One of the most humbling experiences of my life. She asked me how I was feeling and I smiled and said, "hanging in there." She, without any bitterness or sadness in her voice, told me that her son's doctor's just confirmed what they already knew, her son would be a Little Person in life. He would have to wear braces on his legs for quite some time, and won't walk for a long time after that. What makes the story even sadder is that this couple had been trying to conceive for several years. Finally, after at least one miscarriage, they found out they were pregnant. Now this... I went inside after talking to her and just sobbed. How impatient, how selfish I had been. I had a seemingly healthy boy in my belly and all I can think about is how big, hot, and pregnant I was. God reminded me that waiting isn't so bad.
I also realized that I had been approaching Colin's birth with pridefulness in my heart. I wanted a VBAC, I wanted a labor without drugs, I wanted everything to go perfectly, just like in the books I read. Me, me, me! We prayed about this decision, but I know unconscienscly I prayed a bit too much for the desires of my heart and not enough for the trust of God's will and HIS plan for this baby. It wasn't until after Colin's birth that I realized the fullness of these feelings and my actions.
So...the outcome? I finally went into labor 12 days past my due date, on a Sunday afternoon. We took Kinsey to the park, had an awful meal at Freeze and Frizz, and started timing contractions around 7:30 that evening. They were fast and coming, but not very painful. They didn't get too painful until around 10pm, at which point, I headed to the shower for some relief. After about 30 minutes, my water broke! I had just been saying to Mitch that I didn't want to get to the hospital too early, and that I wanted to hold on as long as possible. Well, after my water broke, my contractions became so incredibly painful. I never experienced pain like that with McKinsey!!! I then preceded to tell Mitch (or yell) that we had "waited too long!" My Mom was called over and we left for Ephrata. I think we made it in about 15 minutes---yikes!
When we got there, I was only about 6cm, to my dismay. I thought surely I'd be at 10 with this pain:) I labored for a couple more hours before requesting an epidural. I felt this urge to push, and wasn't ready too, therefore, my cervix started swelling, which wasn't good. To my surprise, my midwife even agreed with my decision. We got some sleep, and with much encouragement, around 6am the next morning, I was at 10!!!!! I was beyond excited! However, my excitement started to fade, when my contractions started coming back (my epidural had worn off), and I was having intense back pain. I managed to push for 2.5 hours, but the back labor was getting unbearable. The little guy, who had been in position all along, had turned over, posterier, which makes fitting much more difficult. The doctors were called in and a C-Section was recommended. I remember looking over at Mitch, my eyes filling with tears, as I nodded. I knew I had done my best, but he just wasn't going to fit. It still hit me like a ton of bricks, but I knew I was going to soon meet my little miracle.
There was one more needle in the haystack. I had developed a fever during labor. From the epidural? An infection? Who knows... However, because of this, they told me that Colin would have to be in the NICU for 48 hours after birth for observation. This was more of a blow than the c-section. I almost remembering thinking that that couldn't be possible...I was dreaming. I would not be separated from my baby. No way. However, that is exactly what happened. I barely got to hold him after surgery, and he was whisked away almost immediately. I demanded nursing him two hours after surgery and they basically told me I was nuts. They also encouraged me to give him formula that night, so I could "rest." I made them wheel me into the NICU every 3 hours to feed him, all night long, until I could walk. They seemed so surprised, but I was a Mommy on a mission!!
Long story short, he was just fine. He nursed like a champ right from the beginning, and came back with me 48 hours later. Longest 48 hours of my life! But he was healthy, and happy and that's all that mattered! My little boy had finally arrived...
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